| I was at a 
		dinner in London given in honor of one of the most celebrated English 
		military men of his time. I do not want to tell you his real name and 
		titles. I will just call him Lieutenant General Lord Arthur Scoresby. 
 I cannot describe my excitement when I saw this great and famous man. 
		There he sat, the man himself, in person, all covered with medals. I 
		could not take my eyes off him. He seemed to show the true mark of 
		greatness. His fame had no effect on him. The hundreds of eyes watching 
		him, the worship of so many people did not seem to make any difference 
		to him.
 
 Next to me sat a clergyman, who was an old friend of mine. He was not 
		always a clergyman. During the first half of his life he was a teacher 
		in the military school at Woolwich. There was a strange look in his eye 
		as he leaned toward me and whispered – “Privately – he is a complete 
		fool.” He meant, of course, the hero of our dinner.
  
 This came as a shock to me. I looked hard at him. I could not have been 
		more surprised if he has said the same thing about Nepoleon, or Socrates, 
		or Solomon. But I was sure of two things about the clergyman. He always 
		spoke the truth. And, his judgment of men was good. Therefore, I wanted 
		to find out more about our hero as soon as I could.
 
 Some days later I got a chance to talk with the clergyman, and he told 
		me more. These are his exact words:
 
 About forty years ago, I was an instructor in the military academy at 
		Woolwich, when young Scoresby was given his first examination. I felt 
		extremely sorry for him. Everybody answered the questions well, 
		intelligently, while he – why, dear me – he did not know anything, so to 
		speak. He was a nice, pleasant young man. It was painful to see him 
		stand there and give answers that were miracles of stupidity.
 
 I knew of course that when examined again he would fail and be thrown 
		out. So, I said to myself, it would be a simple, harmless act to help 
		him as much as I could.
 
 I took him aside and found he knew a little about Julius Ceasar’s 
		history. But, he did not know anything else. So, I went to work and 
		tested him and worked him like a slave. I made him work, over and over 
		again, on a few questions about Ceasar, which I knew he would be asked.
 
 If you will believe me, he came through very well on the day of the 
		examination. He got high praise too, while others who knew a thousand 
		times more than he were sharply criticized. By some strange, lucky 
		accident, he was asked no questions but those I made him study. Such an 
		accident does not happen more than once in a hundred years.
 
 Well, all through his studies, I stood by him, with the feeling a mother 
		has for a disabled child. And he always saved himself by some miracle.
 
 I thought that what in the end would destroy him would be the 
		mathematics examination. I decided to make his end as painless as 
		possible. So, I pushed facts into his stupid head for hours. Finally, I 
		let him go to the examination to experience what I was sure would be his 
		dismissal from school. Well, sir, try to imagine the result. I was 
		shocked out of my mind. He took first prize! And he got the highest 
		praise.
 
 I felt guilty day and night – what I was doing was not right. But I only 
		wanted to make his dismissal a little less painful for him. I never 
		dreamed it would lead to such strange, laughable results.
 
 I thought that sooner or later one thing was sure to happen: The first 
		real test once he was through school would ruin him.
 
 Then, the Crimean War broke out. I felt that sad for him that there had 
		to be a war. Peace would have given this donkey a chance to escape from 
		ever being found out as being so stupid. Nervously, I waited for the 
		worst to happen. It did. He was appointed an officer. A captain, of all 
		things! Who could have dreamed that they would place such a 
		responsibility on such weak shoulders as his.
 
 I said to myself that I was responsible to the country for this. I must 
		go with him and protect the nation against him as far as I could. So, I 
		joined up with him. And anyway we went to the field.
 
 And there – oh dear, it was terrible. Mistakes, fearful mistakes – why, 
		he never did anything that was right – nothing but mistakes. But, you 
		see, nobody knew the secret of how stupid he really was. Everybody 
		misunderstood his actions. They saw his stupid mistakes as works of 
		great intelligence. They did, honestly!
  
 His smallest mistakes made a man in his right mind cry, and shout and 
		scream too – to himself, of course. And what kept me in a continual fear 
		was the fact that every mistake he made increased his glory and fame. I 
		kept saying to myself that when at last they found out about him, it 
		will be like the sun falling out of the sky.
 
 He continued to climb up, over the dead bodies of his superiors. Then, 
		in the hottest moment of one battle down went our colonel. My heart 
		jumped into my mouth, for Scoresby was the next in line to take his 
		place. Now, we are in for it, I said…
 
 The battle grew hotter. The English and their allies were steadily 
		retreating all over the field. Our regiment occupied a position that was 
		extremely important. One mistake now would bring total disaster. And 
		what did Scoresby do this time – he just mistook his left hand for his 
		right hand…that was all. An order came for him to fall back and support 
		our right. Instead, he moved forward and went over the hill to the left. 
		We were over the hill before this insane movement could be discovered 
		and stopped. And what did we find? A large and unsuspected Russian army 
		waiting! And what happened – were we all killed? That is exactly what 
		would have happened in ninety-nine cases out of a hundred. But no – 
		those surprised Russians thought that no one regiment by itself would 
		come around there at such a time.
 
 It must be the whole British army, they thought. They turned tail, away 
		they went over the hill and down into the field in wild disorder, and we 
		after them. In no time, there was the greatest turn around you ever saw. 
		The allies turned defeat into a sweeping and shining victory.
 
 The allied commander looked on, his head spinning with wonder, surprise 
		and joy. He sent right off for Scoresby, and put his arms around him and 
		hugged him on the field in front of all the armies. Scoresby became 
		famous that day as a great military leader – honored throughout the 
		world. That honor will never disappear while history books last.
 
 He is just as nice and pleasant as ever, but he still does not know 
		enough to come in out of the rain. He is the stupidest man in the 
		universe.
 
 Until now, nobody knew it but Scoresby and myself. He has been followed, 
		day by day, year by year, by a strange luck. He has been a shining 
		soldier in all our wars for years. He has filled his whole military life 
		with mistakes. Every one of them brought him another honorary title. 
		Look at his chest, flooded with British and foreign medals. Well, sir, 
		every one of them is the record of some great stupidity or other. They 
		are proof that the best thing that can happen to a man is to be born 
		lucky. I say again, as I did at the dinner, Scoresby’s a complete fool.
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